the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jerry, you need to find god
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
