and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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