i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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