i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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