I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
