Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
