And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
