Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
