Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I am morally bankrupt
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
