WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
not ubering you a puppy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
