I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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