so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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