By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
