tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
