I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
