i permit you to call me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
