just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
