remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
