4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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