I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
