There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
