how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
