You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
