Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
