Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
