you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
