No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
