really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I deserve this hangover.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
