he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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