just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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