Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
