haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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