the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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