his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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