My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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