he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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