I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
