I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
