Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
