i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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