Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and she was petting her beer can
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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