I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
