I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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