just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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