Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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