So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
