Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
