i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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