that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
