Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
